Your comment today is singing a tune that I am VERY familiar with myself. 

And although I don’t profess to know the answer of what you “should” do, I will share with you what I’ve learned as a result of my own process of figuring out where I belong in this world. 

1) It’s never too late to start. I had just turned 36 when I got my Masters in Psychology. Today I just turned 38 and I’m back in school working towards getting licensed as a psychologist. I was putting A LOT of pressure on myself to complete everything I needed to by this September, so that I could FINALLY say I am a psychologist, but what I’ve found is, that doesn’t allow me to enjoy my life NOW. So, personally, I have decided that I’m going to take my time, because I have my WHOLE life to do it. There is no sense in stressing myself out right now, and causing havoc in my relationship or other areas of my life, just to kill myself to achieve a goal. That’s not flow – that’s force. And if there’s anything I’ve learned about life, it’s that it’s most enjoyable when you allow things to flow. 

2) With all the options of what we COULD be in this world, I’m not sure we’ll ever REALLY know what we “SHOULD” be. When things get tough, it is just so darn easy to think you’re on the wrong path and that you should be looking at other options. Work is called work for a reason, even if you love what you do – there are always going to be parts and things you don’t like. For instance, I was watching a sports cast with Todd the other night, and even this one NHL player (can’t remember who) was saying that the NHL is work, it’s not always fun, but you have to do what you have to do. So, if you think about it, the NHL is a DREAM of many kids in the world. And even them, with their high-priced salaries, fame, etc… They still see it as work. So… Don’t be afraid of work (either as you are achieving your goal, or once you’ve arrived and are living your goal.) 

3) You raise a very good point about noticing who you are jealous of. This is a strong indicator that it’s something you really are passionate about. 

4) When deciding what career path to take, it is always very important to assess your values, beliefs, and financial needs before you make a choice. Oprah said recently “follow your passion – just don’t expect your passion to be tied to your paycheque” and I thought this was excellent advice. There is a whole host of people out there touting the “law of attraction” when it comes to being financially successful doing what you love. They say, look at me, I did it and so can you. And while that may be true, you really have to assess your drive, your desire for money, etc. Because I will assure you that someone like Jack Canfield, Oprah Winfrey, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer etc., do not have an aversion to working VERY hard at their craft, AND they place a HIGH value on money. They wouldn’t be where they are if they didn’t. If you don’t have these same values, you may need to heed Oprah’s advice and not expect your passion to pay you a thing.

5) Having passion for something is a great thing – it is what allows you to lose track of time and get into “Flow” but passionate love for what you do can very quickly be turned into a passionate hate for what you do if you do it “conditionally” versus “unconditionally.” Placing conditions on your passion – like it needs to pay me this much – it needs to ensure I can afford to live here – it needs to this or that – all of these conditions are what make your passion feel like work. If you can let go of your conditions, and just do it because you love it, for the simple pleasure of it, it’s very likely that THIS is what will allow you to meet the conditions you want to place on your passion. It’s the whole “unattached expectancy” thing. It’s fine to want your passion to meet those conditions, but it gets you no where good if you expect your passion to get you there.

Clear as mud?

xo Colette

Mental illness can, and does, present itself in a variety of forms.  Mental illness is as intricate in composition and cause as the mind is making determination of a conclusive cause for mental illness extremely difficult.  Many variables encompass and impinge upon mental illness … it’s often the combined  interaction of these variables to which the root cause should be attributed.I believe, although it is difficult based upon the Colette I know, that you experienced the pain of mental illness in your younger years.  Knowing you is to know a living example of someone who modified her ‘state of mind and being’ by modifying her mind focus … her perception of the things in her life.  You are a phenomenal person with an incredibly beautiful spirit and soul and my sense is that you have always been that Colette.  How could that be according to your life revelations one might wonder?  The essence is your perception of your environment which, in turn, markedly affected your perception of you.  Changing your perception … over-ruling your mind so to speak … brought you to the beautiful loving place you are at currently.  It all sounds so easy but, having experienced similar to what you have experienced Colette, I understand and appreciate that when one is buried in the quagmire, it is extremely difficult to see the other positive side … to train and focus one’s mind as is needed.  It is a firm underlying belief in oneself … a will that supports quality of life … that serves as the sub-conscious’ motivation and inspiration to do all one possibly can to work towards ‘changing one’s perceptions’.  In many cases, this is a struggle … sometimes of life and death proportions … and definitely a struggle that is not normally of short duration.  It is the motivation and inspiration of not only one’s sub-conscious but the understanding, respect, love, and support of perhaps trained professionals if required along with very understanding, empathetic, and lovingly supportive close friends and family that tends to spur one onward and upward.  It is this struggle that in many ways makes one a stronger person.We are all a work in progress and I respect and much love the progress you have made Colette!  Thrilled that you are here as a shining example of what can be accomplished as well to blessed with a much loved, cherished, and treasured friend!

I’ve learned SO much about child development in the past couple of years that all seem to relate so specifically to the challenges I faced as a child. It REALLY makes me want to be an advocate for healthy parent-child relationships. I know my parents did the absolute best that they could (and truly they did a terrific job) but it’s amazing to me how minor subtleties can have such major impacts on children who just don’t have the cognitive resources yet to fully understand the meaning behind things.So very interesting :)I love you auntie Blossom. Give grandma a BIG hug from me. And let her know that I’m sending her a little “love letter”  ;)xo Colette 

In a few weeks I turn 55…one of the things I’ve talked of for years and been on my bucket list for at least ten years I accomplished this weekend…this past year I have half jokingly told my xc-ski team buddies that my mantra was “55 before 55″ and yesterday I did just that I x-c skiied 55k in the Canadian Birkenbeirner near Edmonton…under a cloudless sky in cool temps that made it a most excellent day.    Not to mention all the others on the team that waited to see us finish and the laughs and fun reliving our day at a great Indian restaurant in Edmonton. 

These pockets of joy are special and I savor yet so often I get stuck feeling something is missing.  Relationships…this is the big thing I want to work on in my life…

xo Joanne

I remember more than a few different challenging times in my life where things were kind of ugly.  However, it is always darkest just before dawn and all of my challenges had some great moments that would come shortly afterward where I got to discover some new sides of the universe that I didn’t always know were there until I got so low to appreciate the highs I would soon experience.  Whether that loss was losing my job, losing my parent, or the death of a dream they were all rather painful experiences that are part of what makes me who I am today.  At the same time, when something similar happens in my life, I take the lessons from what happened before and apply them again tinkering with the strategies that get me through this adventure known as life.

JB

One thing keeps coming up, aside from my interests in art and writing and being a creativity catalyst for other people: I was born to be an entertainer, and I’ve been hiding it, and that’s why I often feel yucky and out of integrity. I’m checking to make sure that OTHER people are okay with my “too muchness” when all along *I* needed to be okay with my exuberance, enthusiasm, and vivacious nature. That looks SO ridiculous writing “I was born to be an entertainer”. I’m not sure that I really believe that. Some part of me does. And it’s not even from the ego that I’m saying, “I was born to be an entertainer”. It’s my deepest, darkest wish. Because when I think back on the happiest moments of my life, they occurred when I was either expressing myself in words and pictures or performing in front of people: in a band, in a choir, solo on stage, not even knowing the song, but belting it out anyway. It was so exhilarating. THAT is how I want to feel. Grounded, trusting in myself, and exhilarated. Remembering those moment, I’m pretty sure I didn’t care what other people thought, which is the strangest thing, because in most other things I do today, I care way too much about other people’s opinions and reactions. I DO like to elicit laughter from people and give them enjoyment, but I know I’m happiest when I’m pleasing myself first. And I like doing things that scare me… That feels very satisfying. I sometimes can’t believe I auditioned for a play and sang I song I didn’t know. Recalling that moment fills me with pride. 

Today I wrote in my journal the SCARIEST THING EVER:

If I was going to die tomorrow, the one thing I’d want to do TODAY is to put on a short red sequined dress and sing and dance on stage for people. 

What mystifies me is how this dream is connected to my relationship to financial prosperity.

Marsha

Discerning Leap vs. Slog Knowing whether you are facing a leap challenge or a slog challenge is very important. Here’s how you know. Recognize a leap challenge–a challenge to your ego/fears/limiting beliefs/lizard brain–by these clues:-The challenge entails leaping into imperfect, vulnerable action-Fears of failure and rejection are rising up like tidal waves in you-You feel scared scared scared, but you also feel an edge of thrill or exhilaration in the fear-Your brain scrambles for reasons why now is not the time to leap, for example: you don’t have the time or money, the equipment. You hear arguments about all that in your head. Recognize a slog challenge–the kind that’s about starving your essence–by these clues:-Your reasons for going after it come from your head, not from your heart or gut instinct-You feel tense and tight when you think about it-You feel confused by complex, intricate pro and con arguments-As you move into the challenge, you feel more and more lost from yourself. You feel dis-empowered, sad or weakened.
I ultimately want to live by the ocean and be an artist, musician, writer, and creativity coach… in California. However, if I could find a company to sponsor me for a few years on the other side of the country, then I’d have the right to move wherever I wanted in the United States.I *know* there is more than one way to get what I want. However, is this a plainly easy way to get to it and I’m just afraid of it coming true? Is it a head or heart decision? I’m going to sit with this and have a little extra meditation to process what this challenge really signifies.

xo,
Marsha

Although you and I have already talked about this together, the question to ask yourself whenever you have a belief that isn’t serving you is this:

When do you recall feeling this way for the first time? 

How old were you?
What was the situation at the time? / Who were the people involved?

What body sensations do you associate with this belief/feeling?

Generally, deep seated beliefs get lodged into our brains at a very early age, the strongest ones happen before we turn 6 but we still acquire some pretty strong ones up until the time we are 12 (and really, we continue to pick them up here and there throughout our life – but they usually don’t hold as much power over us, and aren’t as pervasive).

So, by knowing when you first felt this way, you can go back to that time (as an adult) and help the little girl in you understand the situation. Because as it stands today, it’s very likely that you can “logic” or “reason” your way into feeling better… And this is what the little girl in you didn’t have the capacity to do when she was young. Her cognitive resources weren’t mature enough yet. 

So, for example:

If when you were little you saw an unhappy look on your dad’s face and you didn’t know what it was about, you might automatically assume that it was your fault.

If you believed it was your fault every time your dad looked unhappy, you might try everything you can to help change his mood to be more positive. And if this worked, then this would have set the stage for making you feel as though it is your responsibility to do everything in your power to make someone with an unhappy face, happy.

And so goes the “neurosis” (saying that with absolute love and NO judgement whatsoever) for the rest of your life, until the day that you get wise to what’s going on. And you say, “hey wait a second, just because my dad was unhappy did NOT mean it was my fault. It could have been anything. It could have been work, finances, trouble with my mom, anything!” And once you come to realize this, that’s when you get to go back in time, and nurture that little girl, to help her understand what she didn’t have the capacity to understand on her own back then.

The above example (about picking up beliefs during a time when we didn’t have the capacity to reason otherwise) is precisely the reason why I believe we are all innately good, loving, genuine, kind human beings. Even if we do “stupid” “bad” or “unhealthy” things to ourselves and others at times. 

It takes a dedicated individual to do the work to get clear about thoughts/feelings/actions – because most of us just want to stuff our feelings under a rug and go buy the new playstation, or fancy car, or trendy outfit, or eat, have sex, gamble, or do drugs. 

But when we start to logically investigate what’s going on, we quickly see how irrational our beliefs can be. 

And then… Well then it takes NOT wanting to remain a victim to our past to move on from there :)

Lots of Love to you Marsha!
You’re amazing :)

xo Colette